The first step in preparing to answer questions, from students in grades four, five and six, is to understand their mindset. Preteens are intensely curious, they tease each other constantly, and they are interested in everything - including their own bodies. They notice the obvious differences in development (physical, emotional and social) within their peer groups and worry about changes happening too quickly or too slowly. At the beginning of this stage, children are open and direct in their conversations about sexuality.
They will ask what they want to know outright. How many minutes do you have to stay in sexual intercourse? Why can’t a man have a baby? What causes Siamese twins? Since young people are exposed to so much sexual information in the media, they occasionally ask questions that may seem surprisingly sophisticated. They may ask, for example, about oral sex, intercourse with multiple partners, or homosexuality. The wonderful characteristic about children at this age is that they are still anxious to receive information from adults. They generally enjoy these open exchanges and may even barrage you with questions. For this reason, teaching this age group can be particularly fun and rewarding for educators.
The following guidelines may help you as you prepare your thoughtful answers to your students’ questions.
Read each question just as it appears on the card. Should a slang term appear, restate the question using the correct terminology. For example, suppose a student in the fifth grade asks, “How big will a boy's dick get to be when he grows up?" You might respond by saying, “‘Dick’ is a slang term for penis,” and restate the question, “How big will a boy’s penis grow when he grows up?”. Then, provide an answer. Reading the question as it is written validates the question and gives you an opportunity to model appropriate language.
Be honest.
If you do not know the answer to a question, say so. Then, research the answer and report back to your students with the correct answer during the following class. Young people are exposed to enough misinformation without the adults in their lives adding to the confusion. Likewise, if a question is embarrassing, do not try to pretend it's not. Acknowledge that this is a difficult question for you to answer and do your best to accurately answer it.
Give simple, concrete answers that avoid technical jargon.
Choose language that you know preadolescents can understand. If you are introducing a new or unfamiliar term, make sure you clearly define it. Offer illustrations from their current base of experience. For example, if you are trying to explain how the vagina can expand to allow a baby to be delivered, you might compare it to a balloon that can expand when filled with air but goes back to its normal size when the air is released.
Redirect questions about “feelings” back to the students. Questions such as, “Is kissing the first time fun or scary?” can lead to an interesting dialogue if they are managed correctly. Read the question and then ask the group what they think. Once the youth voice their perspectives, you might offer your point of view.
Handle value questions very carefully. Try not to impose your personal values. Rather, support universal values such as it is always wrong to exploit or take advantage of another person. When value issues arise, as they inevitably will, you should discuss a range of values. You might say, “Some people believe that … while others think that..”
This approach illustrates to children that people feel differently about these issues – and that is o.k. When a student presents only a narrow view or opinion, introduce other points of view. Always encourage students to talk with an adult they trust about value issues around sexuality.
Answer explicit questions honestly, but avoid giving explanations of sexual technique.
If youth know enough to ask a question, they deserve an age-appropriate answer. Suppose the question is, “What is a blow job?”. You might answer, “A blow job is a slang term. It usually means using the mouth on the penis during sex.” Notice the choice of the words - “using the mouth on the penis” - instead of “licking” or “sucking” the penis. You have avoided using terms that tend to evoke visual images, and used words that are less evocative, but that remain honest and accurate.
Avoid using sexist language.
Do not use stereotypes of women and men in your examples. Be sure to correct students should they present information that is sexist and/or demeaning. The most basic way to use inclusive language is to say, “she or he” when sharing gender-neutral information.
It is also very important not to speak as if all youth are heterosexual. Approximately ten percent of the students in your classes are not heterosexual. When talking about relationships, use words like “partner” rather than “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans-gendered and trans-sexual students, among others, need to ‘see themselves’ in the curriculum. They deserve a safe environment in which to learn about puberty and sexuality. Often, after you model appropriate language, your students will begin using the same terms.
Try to empower your students by giving them concrete solutions to some of the “problems” associated with puberty.
When children learn about puberty, they often feel helpless – as if there is little they can do to control the changes they are experiencing. However, there are many things young people can do to deal with the changes that occur during puberty. The following chart outlines these strategies. Remind your students that they can manage the changes of puberty.
