Listening
Active listening sends the message that you want to understand what is being said, and the person speaking is important to you.
Being a good listener builds healthy relationships.
What?
Say Again! |
Watch out for gestures that might show you're not interested, you're bored, or you're closed to new ideas:
- doodling
- sighing
- slouching
- yawning
- looking at your watch or over the shoulder of the person speaking
- crossing your arms over your chest
- standing with hands on your hips
Show your interest and respect with eye contact, a pleasant tone of voice and a smile. |
Fine Tune Your Listening: |
Empathy |
- Empathy - is listening to understand rather just to answer.
- Active listening and comforting or reassuring words strengthen relationships - they let the other person know you can see things from his or her perspective.
- It's difficult to listen or comfort another person if you're feeling really angry, afraid, or excited yourself.
When feelings are intense, you may try to defend your own position first rather than hear the other person's concerns. Cool down strategies help you to calm your own emotions and listen with an open mind.
- Practice non-defensive listening when the atmosphere is relaxed - then it will be easier to use this skill when there's a problem or a conflict to resolve.
Taking time to understand others helps with being understood.
When you need to express intense feelings, or brainstorm solutions to a problem, choose a person who is an active listener. |
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- Deciding in advance that what a person is saying is not important means probably you'll tune out - and you could miss an opportunity to learn something and to strengthen a relationship. [back]
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- It's difficult to listen if you're too tired, trying to cook dinner or preoccupied with something else - in those situations, it's best to set aside another time agreeable to both, when you are able to give your full attention. [back]
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- Preconceived ideas about what someone is saying will block communication. When you keep an open mind, you are ready to learn something new. [back]
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- Eye contact reassures the person speaking that you are listening, and builds trust in a relationship. [back]
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- Don't judge a book by its cover - important information can come from anyone, regardless of the package. [back]
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- Matching your body language with your words through eye contact, a pleasant tone of voice and a warm smile conveys interest and respect. This reassures the person speaking that you feel he/she is important. [back]
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- Asking questions will help the person clarify what he/she is telling you. You can show you understand by paraphrasing - repeating in your own words what the person has said. [back]
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- Looking beyond the actual words to acknowledge the feelings lets the person speaking know that you are trying to see things from his or her perspective. Even though you may not agree, you will have shown that you care and that will help you to work out differences. [back]
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