Believing
In Yourself: Tuning In To Negative Self-Talk
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Negative
Self-Talk |
Imagine
this:
Someone you know says this to you: "You
#*!@ jerk...".
- What would you
think?...
- How would you
feel?...
- What would you
do?...
Now... Imagine the voice
talking is your own... and that you
are thinking such thoughts about yourself.
You may not even need to imagine... you may
recognize a
similar kind of negative self-talk dominating
your own thoughts.
"...I'm such a fool to think I could get that job. Look how I screwed up
during my last interview. And I forgot my references! I bet even the employment
counsellor thinks i don't have a chance."
This self-critical voice
works by...
- Emphasizing past
failures.
- Ignoring anything
good that happens.
- Setting impossible
standards of perfection.
- Assuming others'
thoughts about you are negative.
- Calling you names.
|
Feelings...
Thoughts... Actions... |
The negative thoughts
may be mild or mean, and when mean, it's
difficult not to believe them.
Think back to the relationship between feelings...
thoughts... actions...
We are always thinking... it's as if we are
talking things over with ourselves.
- Negative thinking
may be a clue that you have uncomfortable
feelings such as sadness, hurt or anger,
that need to be acknowledged and released.
- When thoughts
are mostly negative due to low self-esteem,
feelings of anxiety, anger and sadness
are experienced more often.
As a result, actions are more likely to include
withdrawing from people and avoiding new situations,
or perhaps acting on our hostility with sarcasm
or blaming. |
Tuning
In to Your Personal Thoughts |
- Believe it or
not, these negative thoughts serve a purpose.
If you are anxious about trying something
new and your own thoughts say, "I
can't do that! I'm a stupid fool to even
think of it! " - you are likely to
listen, not give it a try, and, sure enough,
your anxiety is relieved.
- The
critical voice protects you in a backward
kind of way from fear of failure and
rejection. Negative thinking may become
automatic - ingrained in your self-image
and you end up living your life that
way.
- Positive, encouraging
interactions during childhood go a long
way toward promoting positive self-talk
when we are adults. But if that was not
the case when you were growing up, it doesn't
mean you can't work to develop
positive self-talk now.
- Tuning in to
your personal thoughts is the first step
in doing something about negative self-talk.
|
